I Watched Every Rom-Com Ever And Now I Know How To Date Women
You can, too.
By Alec Winshel and Michael Kellman
I was once lost, lonely, and unable to get a date like all of you schmucks, but then I watched every Rom-Com in existence and now I make Casanova look like Quasimodo. So I put together this guide to give back to the community. You’re welcome.
1. Always chase a girl through the airport.
No matter how badly they want to get on their flight, you have to stop them. After the first few times getting tased by TSA you’ll stop feeling it, but try to avoid the mace if you can. Make sure to have a speech ready that you can give loudly enough for all of the other passengers to hear. If you don’t get applause, it ain’t gonna work.
2. Exclusively pursue women you aren’t allowed to be with.
Forbidden love is the sweetest. If society, her parents, or the penal system aren’t telling you that the relationship is taboo, it isn’t worth chasing. Start small. Leaf through your HR handbook to find exactly whom you’re disqualified from dating, then send some salacious Slack messages.
