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FOR LOVE OR PEANUT BUTTER

I Went Speed Dating So You Don’t Have To

But this speed dating was supposed to be “different”…

Kelly Shanley
Slackjaw
Published in
9 min readDec 18, 2024

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Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels / FLOPB Art by Kelly Shanley

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Many years ago, a company which shall not be named because I can no longer remember what it was called — and because I’m guessing they are no longer in business — was blowing up my Instagram ads. Every time I opened the Gram, there it was. “Matched Speed Dating!”

Matched speed dating? I wondered. What the hell is that?

I could just picture them, studying my browsing history, rubbing their hands together excitedly as they selected their next victim. “She’s perfect!” they would have exclaimed, as they laughed maniacally at the tragic state of my love life. “She’s just desperate enough to think this could be different.”

“Matched” speed dating was supposed to be superior to blind speed dating, because you would fill out an online dating profile ahead of time so they could match you with people who shared your interests at the in-person event. That sounded like a good idea to me, but I also bought a Shake Weight off a TV ad once, so sometimes my judgment can’t be trusted.

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Kelly Shanley
Kelly Shanley

Written by Kelly Shanley

LA based writer/podcaster/comedian/mountain girl at heart. Outdoor lover, world traveler, loud laugher. https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kelly-shanley

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