I’d Like To Go Over Some Financial Alternatives To Burying Your Treasure
A Money Pit Is Rarely The Best Long-Term Option In These Markets
13 July, 1699
Hey Captain Kidd,
It’s Jeff here. Your financial adviser. I’ve been going over your portfolio and I’m a bit concerned that you’ve allocated a bulk of your fortune to something called “secret money pit on Oak Island.” I’d like to go over some options that I think will provide a better long-term yield.
20 July, 1699
Just following up on my last message. So, I get that you’re concerned about security and privacy. (I mean, with the way the English treat you, who wouldn’t be? Am I right?) I definitely get why you’d want to go offshore, but I just think there are better options. Caymans, maybe? Somewhere with a bank. Let’s chat.
25 July, 1699
So, I’ve been looking over your detailed plans and I’m really concerned. This money pit — you’re looking to invest a lot just in the construction. You’re planning to dig down 200 feet and I’m seeing multiple tunnels connected to it. There’s a bunch of oak platforms and considerable masonry work to be done. I mean, the labor alone is going to cost a fortune. Look, how do I say this nicely? It’s literally a money pit!
26 July, 1699
Maybe I haven’t adequately explained the importance of protecting your assets against inflation. Let’s meet sometime next week?
27 July, 1699
Look Captain, even if you can build this pit, how are you going to get your money out when you need it? It’s designed to flood and kill anyone who goes into the pit. Security is important but let’s think about liquidity. What happens if you need those assets?
August 5, 1699
I’m done! If you’re not going to listen to me, I’m outta here! Bury your pirated money in a pit! See if I care. I’m done advising you.
30 May, 1701
Dear Mrs. Sarah Kidd,
My condolences on the passing of your husband. I was unaware of his legal troubles.
As his financial adviser I do, in fact, have information concerning the location of his assets. I would be willing to locate them for you for a modest 18 percent recovery fee. I will also need a crew of 30 able-bodied men, a butt of sack, and enough salted beef to see them through to the voyage. I expect to recover your husband’s treasure within a month of setting sail.
Jeffrey Simpson, CFP