If evolution is real, how come I can’t fit an entire footlong sub into my mouth?
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a man of logic. I know gravity exists because I can SEE when my phone drops to the ground. I know coffee is hot because I can FEEL hot steam rising up from it.
These are things I acknowledge as real. These are undeniable truths.
And yet, there are grey areas in life, such as the debate around evolution.
Part of me wants to believe all the empirical evidence that suggests we evolved from primates. But the rational side of me can’t help but wonder:
If evolution is real, shouldn’t we as humans be able to fit an entire footlong sub into our mouths by now?
Okay, before you go calling me this name or that name, hear me out.
I’m not DENYING that evolution has occurred. It’s clear we share many similarities with chimpanzees, which definitely appeals to my sense of reason, since I can SEE those similarities with my eyes.
But then again, I’m not completely sold yet.
Because if, as the theory goes, we continuously evolve to adapt to our environments, shouldn’t we as a species be able to fit an entire footlong submarine sandwich into our mouths by this point?
Our mouths haven’t evolved in size to accommodate entire footlong subs.
If evolution does indeed hold true, shouldn’t our mouths have grown and expanded over time so we’d be able to eat a footlong sub in one big bite? And yet, all empirical evidence shows our mouths are the same size as they were generations ago. To me, that’s very problematic when it comes to accepting evolution.
On the flip side, one might consider the creationist position, that God created everything around us. Which, then, leads me to an even bigger question: What kind of malevolent Divine Creator would deny us the joy of fitting an entire footlong submarine sandwich into our mouths? It’s certainly disconcerting either way you approach it.
I don’t know what to believe…
Like a lot of things in life, I’m left in a state of limbo. While I can’t say with 100% certainty that evolution is real, I can’t say that it’s all God’s doing either.
The only thing we DO know is that we, as a human species, still cannot stuff whole footlong subs into our mouths.
Perhaps some day that may change. Until then, all we can do is resign ourselves to a life of taking small, sensible bites of footlong subs.
What do you think?
Where do you stand on this issue? Leave a response below or connect with me on Twitter.
Editor’s Note: This is humor.
EDIT: Due to the many responses on here, I’d like to just clarify: This article is published in Slackjaw, the finest humor publication on Medium. Again, it is humor. Humor. Humor humor humor. Follow the publication for more funny things! Thanks!
