Love Is A Drug.

Warning: You May Experience Some Side Effects

Do you suffer from loneliness? Do you often find yourself alone in bed, unable to sleep, and longing for companionship? Do you experience moderate-to-severe irritation when all of your friends start getting married, resulting in feelings of self-consciousness and anxiety?

If you’re like the billions of other people with these symptoms, ask your doctor about LOVE®, a new drug specifically designed to complete you.

For more information about LOVE®, see our ad in Slackjaw Magazine:

Benefits of Love®

In clinical trials, patients who tried LOVE® reported the following:

• Decreased anxiety and loneliness
• Improved self-esteem
• Improved sleep quality
• Increased libido
• A decrease in the number of phone calls from parents about “when you’re going to settle down”
• Increased reports of feeling warm and fuzzy
• 300% increase in spooning
• Improved memory of where the good brunch places are
• 80% of male patients reported improved hygiene and increased awareness about what a loofa is.
• Decreased feelings of boredom and isolation
• 500% rise in shared Netflix passwords
• An increase in cutesy text messages
• Increase use of pet names like “babe,” “boo,” and “boo-bear”
• Improved sense of feeling spiritually completed in ways that transcend consciousness
• 99% of patients reported feeling butterflies in their stomachs
• Increased reports of signing up for couples-friendly activities like cooking classes or swing dance classes
• 1000% increase in giddiness among all patients

Side Effects Of Love®

As with any life-transforming experience, consult with a doctor or psychic to see if LOVE® is right for you. Additionally, do not operate machinery until you know how your body reacts to LOVE®.

Caution: Some people reported adverse side effects while trying LOVE®.

Side effects of LOVE® include:

• Itching
• Heart palpitations
• Upset stomach
• Next-day drowsiness
• Invasion of privacy
• A marked decrease in personal space
• Weird dreams
• Hallucinations
• Nausea and vomiting
• Pregnancy
• Trouble breathing
• Saying “Nothing’s wrong” and “I’m fine” more than usual
• Feeling smothered
• Irritation
• Changing one’s identity and interests for another person
• Increased spending on cards, flowers, and chocolates
• Unwanted weight gain
• Unwanted weight loss
• The silent treatment
• General feelings of regret
• Loss of appetite from going vegan for your partner
• Greying of hair
• Depression
• Dry mouth
• Insomnia due to a partner who snores
• Increase in anxiety when partner doesn’t text back
• Weird bodily discharge
• Constantly thinking about the other person, which can result in decreased productivity and/or interfere with work
• Constantly thinking about the other person, which can result in loss of quality sleep
• Constantly thinking about the other person, which can result in unmatched feelings of joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
• Death

Ask your doctor if LOVE® is right for you.