If You’ve Ever Wanted To Store All Your Money Under A Mattress, We’re The Bank For You
At the First National Bank of Mattresses, we store your money under a mattress so you don’t have to
Welcome to the First National Bank of Mattresses.
At FNBM, we don’t have desks, we have mattresses. We don’t have vaults, we have mattresses stacked on mattresses. And if we had an ATM, it would be a person sitting inside a mattress.
We proudly don’t offer debit cards, credit cards, or cheques. We deal in cold, hard cash that’s stored under a mattress.
That’s why our motto is: We store your money under a mattress so you don’t have to.
Because if someone asks what you’re doing with your life savings and you say, “They’re stashed under my mattress,” you will be judged and potentially robbed depending on who you tell. But if you say, “They’re stashed under a mattress at the First National Bank of Mattresses,” you’re one step closer to earning our referral bonus.
Are you tired of banks treating you like nothing more than a numbered account? Don’t want to deal with exorbitant interest rates and hidden fees? Do you just want to wrap your cash in rubber bands and stash it under a mattress? Then the First National…
