I’m 45 but I Date Millennials!
I like to put on my bifocals whenever I eat pussy. Place them on all slow and sexy. Wanna see what I’m doing! Sometimes this makes my Millennial laugh real hard!
I like to tell jokes while I am waiting for the Viagra to kick in. This can take up to thirty minutes. Sometimes my Millennial is chuckling so hard we can’t even have sex, even if I could!
I like to remind my Millennial that 11:00 P.M. ain’t what it used to be. Sometimes after I tell her this I will then fall asleep at the dinner table and she’ll merely smile at all the surrounding restaurant diners as if to say, What can I do, ya know?
Occasionally I will call my Millennial’s cell phone and leave “I Want You To Want Me” by Cheap Trick playing real loud on her voice mail. This intrigues my Millennial until I patiently explain that I used to do this back in 1986 with my first girlfriend on her answering machine. Then she understands!
I enjoy re-enacting the entire script to Red Dawn while wearing only my white brief underwear. Sometimes this can take up to the two full hours of running time but it doesn’t matter: my Millennial is very much bedazzled by my memory ability!
If there’s one criticism I have against Millennial women it might be that they ain’t so keen on blasting Chuck Mangione’s “Feel So Good” when making out. This can…
