I’m a Total Feminist but I Still Want Updates on all the New Congresswomen’s Outfits.
A new era has dawned: The freshman Congressional class includes more diverse women than ever before. We have queer women, we have Native American women, and we have Muslim women. These critical voices will bring about major change in policy directives. Like many women in America, I feel empowered to see such strong feminist powerhouses join our government.
But OH MY GOD did you see Kyrsten Sinema’s (D- AZ)’s Legally Blonde-inspired pink puffy coat? So edgy! That atheist babe can ROCK a swearing-in.
The young, progressive women in Congress differ notably from prior freshmen due to their large social media presence. Pundits suggest that the popularity of progressive Congresswomen could move moderate liberals even farther left. Young liberals hope these eager new lawmakers will usher in a refreshing wave of equitable bills.
Also HOT DANG. Rep. Ilhan Omar’s (D-MN) fierce-as-hell black mani and matching hijab?? Flawless. Totes torn between buying OPI’s Black Onyx or Essie’s Black Licorice nail polish for the perfect emulation.
At the forefront of the new lawmakers’ priorities is the Green New Deal. Early iterations of this proposed policy suggest that a thoughtful Green New Deal could tackle both racial inequalities and the impending climate crisis.
Oh and heck yassss queen for Ayanna Presley’s (D-MA) gorg Sengalese twists. Did you see her flowy black suitdress? Guh, it was so beautifully sculpted that it looked like a fancy cupcake. Nothing says ‘CRUSH PAYGO’ like crepe fabric.
In the midst of a grim federal shutdown, the new Congresswomen face tremendous challenges. They must navigate learning the ropes while working with their new peers to quickly resolve the border wall funding crisis.
But OMG did you see Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez’s (D-NY) fire-engine-red lipstick and throwback gold hoops? Neutral lips are soooo 2018, so “I’ll quietly listen to Chuck Grassley mansplain Puerto Rico policies” but RED LIPS are all “EQUAL REPRESENTATION, BITCHEZZZ!” Get me to the MAC lipstick counter, stat!
In closing, feminists across America weeped tears of joy as the new faces of Congress were sworn in. It is truly a remarkable time for smart women in the United States federal government. We have finally reached an era where women will be taken seriously for their intelligence and opinions.
Ps. WHOA Deb Haaland’s (D-NM) intricate traditional Pueblo garb! Like a piece of art! I am HYPERVENTILATING OVER HERE. Fist bump! YAY WOMEN!
Melanie LaForce is the author of the book CORN-FED. Follow her all the places as @rileycoyote.
