I’m Beyond Grateful To Be Your BFF Whenever You’re In Between Relationships
Haters gonna hate.
Hey Boo, it’s me, I know you’re busy in a new relationship right now so don’t feel you have to read or respond to my texts or voicemails. I want to take a moment to tell you that no matter what people around me say I’m ever grateful that you think of me as your BFF, whenever you’re in between relationships.
At first, when it happened, I was worried about you because the radio silence was scary when you stopped responding suddenly. I thought I said something wrong and went through all 23,492 of our texts that we had exchanged in the first week of your break-up.
I called 9–1–1 and filed a missing person report but then I saw your relationship status change so called the search off.
My roommate called it a red flag. The communist clearly doesn’t know that friendship is color-blind.
You teach me how to be in the moment. One moment you’re my best friend, the next you’re not talking to me for 3 months.
My therapist said that it’s not healthy for me and you’re using me to dump your emotional baggage on me, after a quick consideration, I fired my depressing therapist.
I’m always happy for you and I get happier when you break up, dump/get-dumped/heartbroken because then, and only then, I get to hear from you.
It’s an honor for me to be your seasonal BFF.
Whoever said friendship is a two way street was not a good driver.
Of course, as you might or might not remember, I’m in a long-term relationship and of course my partner says that I should make myself less available to you and consider my time valuable. Now I understand why you break-up.
Hey! Maybe we’d break-up at the same time so you can also be available for me but sorry I’m going on a dream tangent here, I’d never dare to think of putting my needs before yours. That’s not what BFFs are for.
My gym trainer said that it’s unhealthy that I’m looking forward to your narcissistic texts with empathy and gratitude. I gave him a one star scathing review on Yelp.
People are just jealous of our special bond. They think you’re manipulating and exploiting me. Firstly, you’re not. Secondly, even if you’re, you choose ME over anyone else to exploit and that’s something. That’s everything.
It doesn’t matter that we never talk about me or anything else but always about you and your needs. It helps me become a better listener and grow empathy. You can complain, moan, and whine about everything to me whenever you want, it doesn’t matter if I’m in the middle of a meal or an intercourse.
As your BFF I wanted to remind you that your car service is due next month, in case you’re still in a relationship by then.
Your parents texted me to check if you’d visit them for July 4th or Christmas or TBD.
Did you file your taxes or should I file for your extension, again?
I still have your dog and he misses you, like the rest of us.
I look forward to catching up at your next breakup.
XOXO,
Your Best Friend Forever Between Your Relationships
