I’m Selling My Middle School Facebook Posts As NFTs
Angsty status updates available now at a reasonable price.
Earlier this year, Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter, sold his first tweet as an NFT (non-fungible token), for over $2.9 million. The tweet read, “just setting up my twttr” and was posted on March 21, 2006. In that spirit, here are some of my middle school Facebook posts that are now for sale as NFTs. Serious inquiries only.
1) A sepia photo collage of Taylor Lautner in various stages of undress with the words “hottie” in pink bubble text at the bottom
2) The complete poke war history between me and my crush, who for some reason never poked me back
3) A status post listing my top 10 albums of all time, and it’s just One Direction and Big Time Rush
4) An a cappella rendition of “Teardrops On My Guitar” by Taylor Swift that I recorded for my American Idol audition
5) A heartfelt happy birthday post filled with inside jokes from someone I apparently knew at summer camp but don’t remember
6) A black and white photo of a leaf that I thought was really artsy but only got one like (from my aunt)
7) A status update from 2010 that simply reads “i h8 homework”
8) A photo album titled “Good Timezzzzz,” and it’s just pictures of me using the “Space Alien” filter on Photo Booth
9) The desolate wasteland that is the Farmville community I abandoned
10) The entire lyrics to “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” by My Chemical Romance that I posted once when I was sad
11) A link to the YouTube video “Charlie the Unicorn” and the heated debate that ensued in the comments section over whether or not Charlie’s forced nephrectomy was warranted
12) This post: “Hi BB ❤ ❤ ❤ ILYSM! Share this post and tag 25 of ur closest friends 2 keep the chain going!!! If u don’t u will have bad luck and will b murdered in ur sleep. XOXOXO”
13) A complete list of the pages I’ve liked, including “Glee Official Page,” “Glee Fan Page,” and “Mr. Schuester is Bae”
14) A still photo of a lake with the words “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
