I’m The $300 Fork On Your Friend’s Wedding Registry, And Looks Like You’re Stuck With Me
So you waited until the last minute to buy your friend a wedding gift, huh? Bet you regret that now, sucker. Everyone else snapped up the reasonably priced registry items long ago, and now, the day before the wedding, all that’s left is me — the $300 fork. Guess you’re not eating this month!
Can you stop cursing at the screen? I may just be an “effing $300 fork,” but this isn’t a picnic for me either. First went the dish towels, the muffin pans, the bedsheets — the normal, affordable stuff. Whatever. But man, I was pissed when people bought the 80-piece fondue set, the free-range organic placemats (WTF does that even mean?), and the hideous seven-tier chocolate fountain shaped like a naked clown. For weeks, I was alone on the registry like a total loser. But now you’re here, and I’m saved!
But there’s no way a single fork is worth $300, you’re probably thinking. Wrong! I like to think I was forged from pure gold, or carved from the tusk of the last white rhino on Earth. Maybe I’m so valuable because the railroad tycoon Cornelius Vanderbilt once used me to eat diamond-crusted oysters off the back of some rail worker. It’s definitely not because some jerk CEO jacked up my price to help fund the purchase of his new luxury yacht-submarine.
