I’m The Guy In The Photos Wearing A Bee Beard
People often ask me, “Steve, why are you wearing a bee beard?”
They usually have to yell so I can hear them over the hellish buzzing and also because they’re standing fifty feet away.
“STEVE,” they yell, “WHY ARE YOU WEARING A BEE BEARD? WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A NORMAL PET, LIKE A PUPPY?”
I tell them a bee beard is like a puppy. A horrific buzzing puppy that could sting me to death in seconds.
Bees are a lot like cats. You start feeding one on your back porch, and the next thing you know you have several thousand clinging to your face and neck in a freakish undulating mass.
Wearing a bee beard has a lot of benefits. For example, you always have something to talk about with strangers. Also, the bees keep you warm in winter like a soulless, crawling blanket, while their tiny diaphanous wings create a refreshing breeze in summer.
And of course, the best part — honey! So much honey. Gallons and gallons of honey.
I leave a trail of honey everywhere I go. Sometimes people will see it and ask, “What the fuck is that?” And other people will say, “There’s this…
