I’m Your Trader Joe’s Cashier And Oh, This One’s My Absolute Favorite!
Hi there, it’s so very nice to meet you! I can take you right here, lovely customer. My checkout line is as open as my heart and I’m eager to get to know you and your basket.
How was your experience today? I hope you found everything you were looking for and then some. Wait a second! Did I just scan a package of our frozen vegetable gyoza? Oh my guava, these are so divine! You have incredible taste. I could literally eat a pound of these dumplings for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and I’d still dream about these succulent suckers each night. I’m proud of you for buying them, friend.
Did you see that our dill pickle-flavored popcorn is back in stock? I’m obsessed! It’s easily among our top 20 dill pickle-flavored products. You’ll have to grab some next time you’re here. If you want, my coworker Kai could snag a bag for you. Kai’s the cashier behind me wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Hold up: Am I seeing this correctly? You’re getting not one, but TWO bags of Bamba with hazelnut crème filling? Amazing! This is the best peanut butter snack known to humankind. I’m actually deathly allergic to nuts, but I live for these. I just make sure I have an epi-pen with me whenever I eat them. I can usually get at least three or four of the delectable puffs down before my throat closes up and I need to stab myself in the thigh. Honestly, a worthy tradeoff for these things. It totally doesn’t surprise me that you would like them, by the way. After all, you’re like a grocery genius.
Speaking of genius, did you taste our sample today? It’s chocolate hummus! So deliciously confusing I can’t even capture it in words. It’s just like regular hummus, but also…not like regular hummus at all? I utterly adore it! Wait, you’ve never tried chocolate hummus? With your impeccable palette? I seriously can’t let you leave without tasting it! Hey Kai, can you grab my new pal here a sample cup? I’ve got a few more items to sc —
Holy fucking shit! Excuse my language, but I just can’t believe what I’m witnessing here. Are these…organic elote corn chip dippers? These are my absolute favorite!
The flavor. The mouthfeel. The crunch. Perfection! I would kill for these. I would die for these. I would sell my eternal soul to lord and savior Trader Joe himself for the chance to be reincarnated as one of these. Organic. Elote. Corn. Chip. Dippers. Are. My. EVERYTHING!
Your basket just made my entire week. Scratch that, my entire year! Am I blushing? I feel like I’m blushing. Kai, can you grab me an alkaline water? My body is clearly overwhelmed to be in the presence of a snack sommelier as savvy as you. Is this what love feels like? Should we run away together? No, we can’t! Unless…? NO! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. My heart beats only for our products.
Your total is $52.38. Next!
