In The Metaverse, We’re Building A Better Fake World
Welcome to the future.
Welcome to the future, Big_Boi_Muscles! You’ve joined the hope of humanity. This is our second chance to build the utopian society we’ve dreamed of but never realized. In the Metaverse, we’re creating a more connected, equal, sustainable, and totally fake world.
We’re glad you believed the hype of 2020 and have just now joined. As an enterprising go-getter, you’re the perfect fit. You want to shape the very fabric of forthcoming life. You want to solve real world wicked problems. You want to find a way to talk to girls without actually having to talk to girls.
You’ve been a restless wanderer, but you’re home now. We’re the social connection you’ve been missing. In the dark solitude of our bedrooms, we connect through screens and fake usernames. We’d give you a high five, chest bump, or sack wack but you wouldn’t feel it, so we won’t bother.
For as long as there’s been a real world, governments, religious institutions, and rich do-gooders have tried and failed to solve stubborn, ingrained societal issues. But where they failed, we’re succeeding. Most thought it impossible, but our Web3 crew has already eradicated fake hunger, fake natural disasters, and even fake death.
Imagine a world with no malnutrition, no famine, and no delicious juicy fried chicken burgers with spicy mayo. Well, imagine no longer. You’re fake living it right now! The solution is simple — your avatar is fake, so it doesn’t need to eat. However, the real you in the real world definitely needs healthy sustenance. So keep munching on that family-size bag of Cheetos.
No more fake floods, fake fires, fake hail, or fake tsunamis. Go ahead and look up at the fake stars and know that somewhere, somehow the fake God of the metaverse is looking out for you. Thank you, Elon. Thank you.
And fake death, the last of fake humanity’s fake enemies has been fake defeated. In the metaverse, your fake representation can fake live forever. Just make sure you keep paying your real monthly subscription fee of real $999.
It shouldn’t take you long to figure out how to live your best fake life here. But in case it’s taking longer than you’d like, our top tip is to think of the Metaverse as The Sims. But better. But, also, exactly the same.
While it’s all very impressive, we’re not satisfied with all that we’ve fake accomplished. There’s still more fake work to be done. For example, we haven’t quite worked out how to eliminate fake poverty. We’d almost solved it by only letting those with fast reliable internet and disposable time and income join. But then there was the real world crypto crash, and a lot of us lost real money because of fake money.
Further, talking to girls isn’t as easy as we’d like just yet. You can talk to a fake hot girl, but that’s just Boris’ avatar. The problem is that no real girls have joined the Metaverse.
So again, we’re thrilled you’re joining us as a change-making social entrepreneur. Your fake contributions to fake problems will make our fake world better. Just please don’t turn off your computer. We haven’t figured out how to real save any of this.
