Instructions For Your Upcoming Stay At My Illegal Airbnb
Climb the fire escape, disable the alarm on the third floor window, and wiggle your way in. You’ve arrived!
Thanks so much for booking with me! This city is a true hidden gem, with a colorful history that includes a recent surge of unauthorized short-term rentals — a history that you now get to be a part of! There are just a few things to remember to ensure your stay at my illegal Airbnb is a great one.
Getting here
My apartment is located in the heart of the city — just a five minute light jog from the metro! The subway system is simple to navigate, but you never know who’s watching, so I’ve arranged for an unmarked cab to pick you up at the airport and drop you off at an underpass 12 blocks from the apartment. Your driver, Storm, recently had his license revoked and he’s pretty touchy about it so please don’t mention it.
Checking in
There’s an entrance to the building conveniently located on Western Avenue. DON’T USE THAT ONE. Hop the fence to the back garden and crawl through the stinging nettles. Next to the rear door, you’ll see a few rocks. You know those fake rocks that are hollowed out so you can hide a key inside? Well, these are just regular rocks. But…
