FOR LOVE OR PEANUT BUTTER
Introducing: For Love Or Peanut Butter
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Would you give up peanut butter for love? Sorry: could you give up peanut butter for love?
Yes, that’s the kind of critical thinking we’ll be doing in this column.
(If you have a peanut allergy, or don’t like peanut butter — WTF, BTW — simply substitute your favorite snack to shovel into your mouth with a spoon straight from the jar while standing in the kitchen. Or cheese.)
Anyway, could you give up peanut butter for love? I started seeing someone who has a life-threatening peanut allergy. As in, if I eat peanut butter and then accidentally kiss him, his throat will close up. And then guess who’ll be in charge of stabbing the EpiPen deep into his loins? Me. Exactly.
So, it’s either spooning my organic, creamy, salted peanut butter into my mouth or getting spooned by my living, breathing, unsalted boy toy. I simply cannot have both.
I’m aware that I sound nuts (couldn’t help myself), but cut me some slack. I’ve been dating in Los Angeles for the last decade (yes, DECADE), and I only just now realized that every love story has its peanut butter. That’s right. Every relationship, long or short-lived, near or far, functional or…
