Introducing Only Friends™
Published in
3 min readDec 12, 2022
Loose Acquaintance Level — $5 a month
- I’ll nod and smile when I see you
- I’ll make roughly 10 seconds of small talk whenever we cross paths, asking you one vague question about yourself and allowing you one equally vague answer
- I’ll shake your hand, but will not hug you
- I’ll give you okay, but not great eye contact
- I will never, under any circumstances, talk about anything of consequence with you whatsoever. In fact, I will probably forget most of our interactions immediately after they occur
Friend-Of-A Friend Level — $10 a month
- All previous tier’s perks
- I’ll exchange phone numbers with you and send an introductory text like “It’s Adam,” but will probably not send another text ever again
- I’ll have dinner/hang out with you every couple of months, so long as there are several other people around to serve as a buffer
- I’ll give you slightly better eye contact
- Our conversations will be limited to our things going on with our mutual friends and/or whatever sport is in season at that time. If you try to talk about something outside of that scope, I will immediately try to steer the conversation back to…
