It Is I, Günter, Your German Garten Gnome, And I Am Here To Tell You Zat I Am Marrying Your Daughter
You kannot shtand in zee vay of our lofe
Hallo Valter,
Sank you for shtopping by zee garten for a chat. Zis is a diffikult konferzation zince I am your employee and have been vorking at your houze for zee lasht year. I have truly enjoyed vatering your flowers, entertaining your gueshts at your garten parties, skaring vild animals and peshts avay from your yard, and bringing you luck. Turns out, you are not zee only one who has been getting lucky around here. Vat do I mean? Vell, I have been banging your daughter Shtella. Ya, zat is zee reazon vor zis chat. I vanted to tell you zat Shtella and I are in lofe. She is dropping out of uniferzity zo she kan be vis me. Vee have decided to elope, zo vee vill fly to Laz Fegaz tonight for a kuickie vedding. Zoon, she vill be my frau and vee vill mofe from Zeattle to my home kountry, Deutschland.
You might be vondering how zis all happened, right under your noze. Vell, ven Shtella kame back home during her lasht kollege break, she shtarted flirting vis me, telling me zat my beard is zeksy, zat my smile is zuper kute, and zat my pointy hat is adorbs. Zen one night, she vizited me in my garten sched, picked me up from zee ground and zaid, “Günter! You are…
