It’s Time To Live My Truth: I’m A Basic Bitch
Listen up, because I have some basic-ass truth bombs to drop on y’all.
Friends,
I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve asked you all to meet me in the skincare aisle of this Target. Please grab a pamplemousse La Croix and have a seat. I have something important to get off my chest: I’m a basic bitch now.
I know this may come as a shock, but I haven’t been living my authentic life. I’ve been ashamed of my true self — the self that doesn’t want to read the boring-ass Atlantic article about the hazards of bauxite mining that just came through in the group text but instead wants to laugh at TikToks of stupid people coloring their hair with Kool-Aid. Blueberry blast? More like a blueberry disaster, ya dum-dum!
I’ve been worried you’d all disown me once I announced my basic-ness, but I can’t live a lie anymore. I have some confessions. Remember when we all waited behind the Bright Eyes tour bus for three hours to meet Conor Oberst? The truth is I was listening to the absolute freaking bop “Meant to Be’’ by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line in my earbuds the whole time. Also, about that time I bailed on Ocean Vuong’s poetry reading because I had “indigestion”… well, I was actually refreshing Sephora.com waiting for Kat Von D’s new eyeliner to go on sale.
