It’s Your Friend From The Internet, Wondering When You’ll Invite Me To Your Wedding
Hey dude!
It’s me, your friend from the meme group chat. You know the one—ever since that subreddit shut down, we’ve been chatting with each other on Signal. We change the name of the group every couple of days, but last I checked it was called Lana Del Raytheon’s Drone and Only Farts Club Band. It’s been two years strong of this chat: pretty cool how the internet can bring people together. Anyway, I just wanted to sidechat you, because it’s been a couple months since you announced your engagement, and I still haven’t gotten an invite to your wedding.
Definitely don’t want to be pushy! I just want to make sure you don’t let it fall through the cracks. I get it, you’re busy! You’ve only meme-dumped a few times this morning. And I mean, I’m pretty busy too. Not like, you know, getting married, or with work, or moving-out-of-my-step-mom-Lorraine’s house busy, but I get it. Sometimes time just disappears for me, and I’ll go weeks without knowing what day it is. Except for Wednesday, my dude! I always know cuz of the group chat. But considering everything we’ve gone through together, I just want to know when I should be blocking off my calendar. We’re Wednesday dudes. I think we get each other, even if technically we’ve never met in person.
Maybe you didn’t get the address right, I sent it to you a couple times, and you didn’t really respond. I know it’s a little far away — you live in Vancouver, right? I don’t honestly know if that means Canada or Washington State, but either way, there’s some distance. Maybe it’s Canada and the mail system lost it. Or maybe my step-mom Lorraine took the invite — that happens sometimes. Just resend it, and tell me when you do so I can hang out by the mailbox. I can’t be around for the mailman on Tuesday or Thursday, since that’s when I go in for family counseling then we go get lunch at the Elks Lodge on Route 55.
This is crazy, and sorry for kind of airing some real talk, hope this doesn’t make me look like a virgin loser. But like, we have a connection, right? You always laugh at my bits. Like, the others are funny, but we get each other. And I just think it would be a shame if we couldn’t meet for real, even if it has to be on your special day. It’s a bummer if you move onto this next stage of your life without the people who matter. And I am one of those people… right? Sorry, I’m spiraling. No tears. :crying-spongebob.gif: :is-this-intimacy.jpeg:
Honestly, I’m asking cuz I’m not sure when to ask my step-mom for money to travel. She’s been a real :bee-emoji: about stuff lately, and I need to plan it outright. You get it. It’s probably the same with you and your fiancee… Chloe? Elisa? Sandra? Probably one of those three? I’m joking obviously. You’ve never told us her name.
But that’s all the more reason I need to be at your wedding. Someone’s gotta approve her for the group. I can picture it now, the toasts where I talk about all our best times. Like that time you pretended to be a little kid on that Brony group or that time we made memes out of that picture of that old guy in a Hawaiian shirt. Sorry, by the way, I didn’t realize he was your grandpa, or I wouldn’t have drawn quite as many stink lines.
So yeah, super-stoked for your big day with what’s-her-face. Honestly, I don’t even need a save the date or an invite (though that might get Lorraine off my back!), just text me when/where, and I’ll be there.
Thanks, dude! Also, don’t forget to include your full name, I realize my only contact for you is “Tim from Group.”
-:bashful.gif:
P.S.: Before I forget, I haven’t gotten a bachelor party invite either. When are you thinking for that? Just to be safe, in case Lorraine’s reading my mail, let’s call that a work trip, okay? Thaaaanks!
