Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” Rewritten For COVID Weight Gain
By Nick Morgan and Gracie Beaver-Kairis
Hey
Don’t hole yourself up yet.
It’s only in your head your waist is thicc. (And in your waist.)
Just try your vest. Try hiding in a shawl.
And don’t you worry if your clothes don’t fit. There’s Big and Tall.
It just takes some time
Little bit of Peloton and Herbalife.
Every pound, every pound will shrink just fine
Everyone, everyone will think you’re light, you’re light.
Hey
It looks like Jen’s the same.
You know she’s looking thinner on her own.
She must do meth.
Live right now. Just feed yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you’re thin enough
For that bitch elf.
It just takes some time
Working off your brand new COVID 25.
Metabolism’s shit since you turned 35.
Maybe take a walk so you can say I tried, I tried.
Hey
Don’t beat yourself up yet.
The silver lining is that Jen’s divorced
And taking meds.
Deep breath right now. Reveal your rounder self.
And don’t you worry ‘bout the Chips Ahoy
On your shelf.
It just takes some time
Everyone’s relearning how to just do life.
Everything, everything will be meh, fine
COVID 25 is actually 35, alright?
It just takes some time,
Loosen up your sweats and pour a glass of wine.
Give yourself a break, it’s not yet lipo time.
So you tummy’s squishy but you survived, survived.
