Jobs I Learned How To Do Just By Watching Television And Movies
E.R. Doctor
What’s the point of spending all of that time and money on medical school when the only three things you have to do are scream “Don’t you dare go towards that light, damn it!” while zapping suffering patients with those little electric paddles, demand “500 CCs” of whatchamacallit, and have sex in the various doctor sex rooms that make up most of the hospital. Maybe most of the lessons are about learning how to look so boinkable in those boring ass scrubs.
Stock Broker
Working on Wall Street is easy. All you have to do is wear an expensive suit and yell into a giant cell phone all day — about taking the sonofabitch who told you to buy lean hog futures to the slaughterhouse or whatever. If you really want to go the extra mile, you can wear suspenders and do enough cocaine to kill an economy. The most important thing is you treat everyone poorly and do rich person stuff like put on your shades and say something like “If my yacht butler tells me one more time that the only champagne we have on board is Veuve Clicquout, his wife will be a widow too” before speeding off in your flashy sports car. This should also be yelled into a giant cellphone.
