Joke’s On You, April Fools Day Makes Me Crazy Horny
Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. Sure, I’ll have my breathing techniques, some safe spaces I can get to in a pinch, but other than that, it’s just me and the prank crew at work. Those hot-ass tricksters. It’s been a few years since I’ve had to face this. During the “uncertain times” I was safe at home. Spared from the cling film-covered toilet seats and the whoopie cushions in the break room, I lived without fear in my controlled environment. But, a few weeks ago when the email came in confirming our return to the workplace, my first thoughts were of April Fool’s Day.
I’m not sure why, but the day and its antics make me crazy horny.
In the past, I sought a remedy, some kind of antidote to this damn concupiscent day. Exposure therapy wasn’t all it cracked up to be. After a particular randy session in which a faux fire alarm was pulled, I got a little carried away and the therapist I was seeing ended up having to tear out the carpets in his office. Companies claimed they could get rid of the stains, but they would never again be truly clean. Next was the holistic approach. The last I heard, poor new-age Danica was unprepared for my “outburst” when she offered me a wax apple in place of a real one. What she saw wasn’t pretty and I am told that to this day she is still locked in an insane asylum, endlessly carving “April Fool”…
