Kung Fu Pope II: Rise Against The Sexbots, The Movie Trailer
Don’t miss this season’s most Catholic-packed experience
DRAMATIC VOICE-OVER: From the director who brought you Kung Fu Pope: A New Christ Order…
INT. POPE HEADQUARTERS, ROME — DAY
POPE JOHN MAUL stands before a roomful of anxious-looking priests.
GENERIC PRIEST #1: These secular sexbots are turning everyone on!
POPE JOHN MAUL (nods solemnly): I shall not stand idol while the sexbots threaten the church.
GENERIC PRIEST #2 (tugs his sweat-stained clergy collar): But, Your Holiness, the sexbots are Legion!
POPE JOHN MAUL: I may have been God’s first Kung Fu Pope, but dammit, I shall not be His last!
EXT. THE COLISEUM — DAY
Kung Fu training montage: thousands of priests chaotically practice Ecumenical Crane pose.
POPE JOHN MAUL: Train with conviction! Remember, you are Grasshoppers for Christ!
GENERIC PRIEST #3: Aren’t we pacifists?
POPE JOHN MAUL Eucharist Snake-slaps GENERIC PRIEST #3, knocking him unconscious.
INT. VERSACE SECRET UNDERGROUND VAULT — DAY
POPE JOHN MAUL: This is bulletproof?
DONATELLA VERSACE (drapes ornate cape upon his shoulders): And fireproof. But most importantly, you will slay those Booby Bots with style.
POPE JOHN MAUL: Amen.
EXT. THE COLISEUM — DAY
Kung Fu training montage: the priests clumsily swing their incense holders for Anointed Dragon pose.
GENERIC PRIEST #4: Mamma mia! I can’t defeat the Bot-whore of Babylon like this!
POPE JOHN MAUL slings an incense holder into GENERIC PRIEST #4’s face, knocking him unconscious.
INT. PAPAL PALACE, ROME — NIGHT
POPE JOHN MAUL (unintelligible Latin)
POPE JOHN MAUL passionately gazes at two framed portraits: Jesus Christ to the left, his Kung Fu Master to the right.
EXT. THE COLISEUM — DAY
Kung Fu training montage: the priests perform Liturgical Leopard pose with Christlike perfection.
POPE JOHN MAUL: Amen!
EXT. ST. PETER’S BASILICA — NIGHT
GENERIC PRIEST #5 is cornered by two sexbots. POPE JOHN MAUL hurls a holy Molotov cocktail at SEXBOT #1.
POPE JOHN MAUL: Flee fornication!
GENERIC PRIEST #5 escapes. SEXBOT #2 turns towards POPE JOHN MAUL.
SEXBOT #2: I want you, Daddy!
POPE JOHN MAUL Benediction Tiger-kicks the titanium tits off SEXBOT #2, and its central hard drive explodes.
POPE JOHN MAUL (breathes heavily): That’s Father to you.
DRAMATIC VOICE-OVER: Don’t miss this season’s most Catholic-packed experience, Kung Fu Pope II: Rise Against The Sexbots!
