HUMOR

Leaked Supreme Court Draft Opinion On Women Drivers

Kavanaugh sets stage for overturning Jack

Illustration by the author.

1st Draft

SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES

№ 867–5309

GREG ABBOTT, GOVERNOR OF TEXAS, ET AL., PETITIONERS v. AUSTIN TAXI, ET AL.

ON WRIT OF CACCIATORE TO THE UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS FOR THE FIFTH CIRCUIT

[July __, 2022]

JUSTICE KAVANAUGH delivered the opinion of the Court.

The right for a woman to drive a motorized vehicle presents a profound moral issue on which Americans hold sharply conflicting views. Some believe fervently that women can drive just as well as men, while others believe that women are inferior drivers and pose risk to innocent lives.

For the first 180 years after the adoption of the Constitution, each State was permitted to address this issue in accordance with the views of its citizens. Then, in 1969, this Court decided Jack v. Jill, which conferred a woman’s right to obtain a driver’s license, even though the constitution makes no mention of female drivers and no such right is implicitly protected by any constitutional provision. This Court justified its ruling with the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, a…