Let’s Look On The Bright Side Of This Kidnapping!
I’m now on a first-name basis with your parents.
Wednesday
Welcome to your kidnapping! Don’t worry, this should be over in time for prom. Are those knots tight but not too tight? Good. Okay, time to call your parents about the $3 million ransom. I’m going to be rich, Robbie!
You’re Theo? Sugar honey iced tea, I was supposed to kidnap your brother. If you weren’t blindfolded, you’d see how embarrassed I am.
Well, they would’ve paid $3 million for Robbie; for you, they’re offering $150K. They obviously value the brother who got a scholarship to play quarterback for Michigan more than the brother who can’t hold a summer job at Pirate’s Cove Adventure Golf. Shocker. You’re disappointed? How do you think I feel? Hey, it’s still better than my teacher’s salary.
Now smile for your proof-of-life photo. A real smile.
Thursday
Theo, did you pee yourself? The toilet is right there. This is why I tied your hands in front. I’ll get the Lysol. Again.
Okay, your Dad is golfing, but I tracked down your Mom at her cheese-making class. Wow, I don’t know how you offended them, but… now they’re thinking $122,750 is more realistic for someone as “ungrateful” as…
