Lose 50 Pounds In 32 Days With Keto!!!
Do you need to lose belly fat?
Do you need boosted energy and fat burning?
Where does fat get burned?
If they burn it in a fire pit, does the fat just melt, or does it spark?
How far do you have to stand back if you are at a fat burning?
Do they put the fat on a stake?
Not a steak. Of course there’s fat on a steak.
Unless it’s flank.
Does anyone eat flank steak?
I guess people on Keto probably do.
They talk about eating steak all the time.
Why do people on Keto talk about it so damn much?
And have so many damn recipes?
Is there anything you can’t make with cauliflower?
Love. You can’t make sweet, sweet love with cauliflower.
You can with asparagus! But that’s disgusting.
Do you need to improve your weight loss?
Do you need your mood boosted?
Your breasts?
Keto can’t help boost your breasts.
But it can help with every single other thing in your life.
Like setting up all of your bills on autopay.
Or reminding you to take out the recycling.
But can it make the dog less afraid of the Roomba?
No, but it can make sure your thighs don’t touch, and that makes up for a lot.
Why can’t you suck in your thighs anyway?
That ability is waisted on your stomach.
Get it? Waisted instead of wasted? That’s Keto humor, baby.
You don’t even need to suck in your stomach because you can hide it with a skirted bathing suit.
But no way to deal with those thighs unless your bathing suit is floor-length.
They say there’s an age when you won’t care about your thighs anymore.
That age is not 57.
Wow, you’re 57? Do you need a transformation?
Do you want to be a healthier you?
Or would you prefer to be a healthier someone else?
Don’t pick Ellen DeGeneres though. As it turns out, she’s a real asshole.
Better to be a healthy Sandy Bullock or Julia Roberts.
They have good thighs.
Thought: Do you want to eat fat to lose fat?
You could buy an extra marbled hunk of cow, use a melon scooper to make little fat balls, and then suck on those during a work meeting.
You might have to use a knife to pick the gristle out of your teeth.
But once you have a knife in hand, you’d probably just shiv your boss Sam, like you’ve been wanting to do EVERY DAMN TIME HE SAYS “THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION!”
You’ll get fired.
Even if he needed killing.
You’re jobless and on the bread line now.
Which sucks, because you can’t eat bread on Keto.
Maybe try the soup kitchen instead?
Just walk in and tell them you’re there because Keto.
You’ll get shivved.
But damn, gurl! You look skinny in that coffin!
