After dozens of board meetings, an online poll, and interviews with multiple focus groups, we are excited to deliver the pitch for Universal Pictures’ next big film, which we believe will give us the extra push we need to compete with the recent efforts of Netflix and Disney: Mamma Mia 3: Tremors! Tremors! Tremors!
To preface, our market research shows that, as we enter the new decade, 90s nostalgia is higher than ever — making this a perfect time for a reboot of the 1990 Kevin Bacon monster movie classic, Tremors. In addition, our online poll reveals that at least 12% of our target demographics are eagerly awaiting the next Mamma Mia! installment. As we discussed in our end-of-year vision meetings, we truly agree that the way to compete with the current market is to work smarter and not harder. We understand that this is why we were given the imperative to choose only one good idea for a project to finance and produce in 2020. Without further ado, we would like to pitch our recommendations.
Imagine, if you will, that this final installment of Mamma Mia! ends exactly where it began: A young woman (blonde), standing on a boat that floats quietly on the Aegean Sea just before dawn. “I have a dream / a song to sing / to help me cope with anything,” she sings as the shores of Skopelos grow smaller behind her. Her voice cuts off, and she shudders. The water has been her salvation.
Not even 24 hours prior, she is basking under the Grecian sun, tending to the garden outside the Bella Donna hotel while the baby sleeps nearby. When the first graboid bursts through a bed of hyacinths, it nearly takes off her arm. She grabs the baby and rushes inside to the second floor. She picks up the phone and calls her dad. She hangs up and dials her other dad. She hangs up with him and calls her other dad. She throws essentials into a suitcase to the sound of screams outside. All dads are en route.
By the time the dads have arrived, their clothes are torn and filthy, and the majority of the city has begun to flee for the shores. As the three fathers prepare Sophie and the baby to make the trip, there is a palpable tension in the air. The dads exchange a heavy glance. They won’t all make it. It’s an opportunity. A sign. The last man standing will be Sophie’s dad. They join with a group of American travelers that are staying in the hotel and head for the roof. These things don’t just hear us, one of the travelers says, they can feel the vibrations. Sophie looks wearily at her dads. They must resist the urge to sing and dance. They must make it to the water.
In the final scene, we cut back to Sophie, shivering in the cold as she watches the horizon from the fishing boat. The baby begins to cry, and she kneels down to scoop him into her arms. She kisses the baby’s head and turns to look at the man sleeping behind her. Her weary fellow survivor. Her hero. Her dad. Val Mckee, of Perfection, Nevada.
What Disney described as “the most ambitious crossover event in history” in Infinity War will pale in comparison to Mamma Mia 3: Tremors! Tremors! Tremors! Everyone in the family will find something to love in this installment — music, romance, action, suspense.
To demonstrate how plausible this venture is, we have already reached out to a few actors from these franchises in order to gauge interest. Kevin Bacon and Stellan Skarsgård are on board. Amanda Seyfried is a maybe. Colin Firth might be a no, but he was so polite, it was hard to tell, so we’re going to follow-up again next week. We have offered Pierce Brosnan his role back on the condition that he does not sing this time. We have also made contact with Chris Pratt’s agent. While he’s not associated with either franchise, we thought it would be safe to write in a role for him, since it worked for Jurassic World.
We have taken into consideration that our past Tremors reboot attempts have not brought in much money; we’re also aware that some media outlets consider more than one Mamma Mia! musical overkill. However, we believe that combining the two will give both stories a fresh new take. If, however, the company would like to move in a different direction, we have prepared a back-up proposal for a Jason Bourne and Beethoven buddy cop team-up.