Much Like Abercrombie And Fitch, I — The Guy Who Bullied You In High School — Am Making A Comeback

Abercrombie and Fitch 6515.jpg — Wikimedia Commons

Abercrombie & Fitch has transformed itself from a dying mall brand into a Wall Street darling after spending years revamping its product assortment, overhauling its supply chain and rebranding as an inclusive retailer. — CNBC

Look nerds, with Abercrombie and Fitch’s comeback in full force, I, the guy who made your life a living hell during your formative years have decided it’s time for my comeback too. I know you’ve probably blocked me out as a defense mechanism, so let me jog your memory. I was the one who wore the acid-washed Abercrombie jeans that came pre-ripped, the bright and tight polo shirts with the collars popped as hell, and the dark brown leather flip-flops that shuffled up and down the hallway, the sound of which usually meant trouble for dweebs like you.

I won’t lie to you and say the last few decades have been good to me because they haven’t. Back in the day, when I was stuffing kids into lockers, knocking books out of classmate’s hands, and starting malicious rumors behind people’s backs, I would often hear phrases like “What goes around comes around” or “You reap what you sow.” And you know what? People were right! My life sucks. I’m 44. I’m divorced. I’ve got a dead end job and with each passing day my weight goes up and the amount of…