My Bitmoji Can Get It
With luscious locks, a strong jawline, and a smile that manages to both charm you with its sincerity and alarm you with its confidence, I’ve created a Bitmoji so hot that it runs the risk of densing up the damn iCloud. The idyllic combination of mischievous badboy and chivalrous bring-home-to-meet-your-dad boy, my Bitmoji is the sexiest technological advancement since Alexander Graham Bell invented the dictaphone.
“SMS? More like SOS from this hot-ass Bitmoji,” or at least that’s what people are thinking when I drop this studly little Romeo into a text chain and let him work his magic. It’s true, my little avatar is an ava-star with the ladies, and some of the fellas too. Whenever I send a text with my brash and bold Bitmoji, the ladies swoon and the dudes get real sad because they know they’re inadequate in comparison. When that feeling of utter defeat eventually passes, the dudes swoon too and then immediately try to invite my Bitmoji to Buffalo Wild Wings with them. Too bad for them my Bitmoji is more of a Wingstop guy.
Me, I’m a Chicago 6, but my Bitmoji, that dude is an LA 10. That’s why at work, I started putting my Bitmoji in all of my office communications to see if it might result in some preferential treatment. The day after I introduced my Bitmoji to the office via a slack message, they went and named him the CEO of the company. My Bitmoji didn’t even have to interview…
