My Loser Cat Gets Zero Likes
He needs to up his influencer game.
My worthless cat has no social media engagement. Views, clicks, retweets, followers, subscribers — he’s underperforming across all platforms.
His name is Muffin, and he sucks at being a cat. I watch cat videos all the time, so I know the kind of sticky content they can produce. Whether it’s hilarious antics, adorable poses, quirky habits, or heartwarming displays of affection, cats know how to get paid.
Not Muffin. He won’t perform tricks, sleep in a weird position, or meow in a way that sounds like a human voice. If he got sick, or injured, or even better — lost a limb — I could document his brave journey, but he won’t even give me a courageous story of recovery.
Muffin lacks the ambition to reach his potential. All he does is lie around, lick himself, and stare out the window. That’s not going to deliver a user experience that generates consistent revenue streams.
I try to encourage him. I’m like, “Seize the day, Muffin! Optimize your performance!” He just blinks at me.
Muffin will never achieve the fame other house cats enjoy. Nala Cat has 4.4 million Instagram followers, and a net worth of $113 million. I’m not saying Muffin needs Nala numbers, but he’s not even paying his share of household expenses…
