My March Madness Was Freakin’ Insane This Year, And Also A Little Bit Lonely!
It’s March Madness, baby! The time of year we all get freakin’ out of control watching college basketball and painting our faces and seeking out new relationships!
March is pure mayhem! The ruthless block-outs, the unthinkable blocked shots, the relentless blocked calls from Marcus. One team puts scoreboard pressure on another, while I put social pressure on everyone!
I crushed my office pool this year! It was crazy, no one could compete with me or agree to fill out a bracket.
The cool thing about March Madness is that you can literally talk to anyone about it. Co-workers, hemorrhoid doctors, parrots — it’s as if we all have this unspoken bond, a bond so strong that many people can’t help but declare, “Hey, I already told you I’m not filling out a bracket, alright?”
Basketball is like a religion, ya know? Where you try and corner a person into friendly conversation, and after that doesn’t take, you unleash a full court trap impenetrable as the 1996 Kentucky Wildcats.
But let’s not kid ourselves, the road to the Final Four isn’t easy. Either is the road to your friend’s house who swears he didn’t give you a fake address for.
It all starts with a bristling field of 64. Then down to the “Sweet 16.” Then the indelible “Elite 8.” And then of course the coveted “Final Four.” They’ve tried for years to come up with a snappy name for 32 teams, but it simply can’t be done.
Me, I like to watch the games at Buffalo Wild Wings, and I also like to watch other people watching the game, then they watch me watching them, then I lick off all the sauce around my mouth and move in for a chest bump, then they move to a table further away from me. The unspoken bond we have is crazy!
And this year things got really nutso when my co-worker Jason threw a giant party. That guy! He’s wild! It’s hilarious how he forgot to invite me, and then when I showed up uninvited, he said he was just heading out the door to church for the duration of the tournament. Classic!
Yup, college hoops is just one of those sports where you instantly click with other fans no matter where you are. Like Buffalo Wild Wings—the place where no one knows your name, even after you pay them to, even after you follow them home, and sleep on their porch, and chat with them about your bracket as they try to get in their car to go to work.
You know what they say, the best offense is not deterred by a judge issued restraining order!
Man, we’ve all been there, when we get so pumped up for March Madness that we sneak into our neighbor’s home to watch a game, pretending to be a distant family member, and then shortly thereafter pretending to be a police chief. March is the time of year when things get outa hand, am I right?
Personally, I always root for the underdog. I actually feel like the underdog sometimes, and also like a homeless dog, roaming the night, digging through garbage looking for clues, howling and howling until I black out and wake up in a strange place. They don’t call it March Madness for nothing!
Yes siree, three weeks of roundball that all builds to a culmination of vigor and passion until there’s just one lone champion, screaming with their shirt ripped off at half court, or in the middle of a small seedy Las Vegas casino, thinking about going to Buffalo Wild Wings.
And don’t get me wrong, I believe in blow up dolls as much as the next college basketball fan, but a blow up doll can’t bring home a national championship or a true sense of companionship. Can it?
Anyways, what a tournament! And I can’t wait for the Olympics this summer. Everybody loves the Olympics, it’s gonna be insane!
