THE ENLIGHTENED MILLENNIAL FATHER
My Pregnant Wife During Third-Trimester Sex, Or Me Teaching My Nephew To Rollerblade: Who Said It?
Both activities are harder than they should be.
- “Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.”
- “You seem a little agitated, just think happy thoughts. Like a Bob Ross painting class. You don’t know who that is… okay, never mind.”
- “I believe you in. You were born for this moment.”
- “Focus!”
- “Listen to the words coming out of my mouth.”
- “Look at me. I said look at me! I’m trying to help you.”
- “We need to work on your flexibility.”
- “This clearly isn’t working. Let’s try a new approach.”
- “I’d show you proper technique myself, but my back is killing me.”
- “Don’t give me attitude. You’re the one that asked for this.”
- “I’m doing this as a favor, remember that.”
- “No, I’m not mad. Just a little disappointed.”
- “Your hips are pointing in the wrong direction.”
- “And now you’re not even facing the right way.”
- “Are you even trying?”
- “I can’t do it for you. This is the only way you’re gonna learn.”
- “It’s ok, we can always try again next week…or next year.”
- “Shift your weight forward, but not too much… that’s it.”
- “Whoo! You’re rolling now.”
- “No, no, no. We’re definitely not going in reverse today. That’s too risky for right now.”
- “That was a good effort today, but there’s definitely room for improvement.”
- “So, same time and place next week?”
Pregnant wife: 1–22
Me: 1–22
The Enlightened Millennial Father is a twice-a-month Slackjaw column written and illustrated by Andrew Hutchinson.
Previously from The Enlightened Millennial Father:
