My Transparent Wedding Officiant Packages
Perfect for couples trying to save money and/or wanted for murder in other countries.
The ‘Ultimate Ceremony’ Package
A personalized wedding ceremony (plus full Love Story). Includes me writing and performing your ceremony, making your stodgiest grandmother cackle, advisement on rituals, processional and recessional planning, a rehearsal, unlimited revisions to the ceremony script, my signature on your marriage license, help with your vows, witty banter at cocktail hour, my travel to your venue and back, and taking you seriously the whole time.
$ (amount of money that seems high at first but you later realize was totally worth it)
Perfect for couples who want an incredible, personalized ceremony
The ‘Tell Me Just Enough About Yourselves So Your Guests Can’t Tell We Only Had One Phone Call Five Months Ago’ Package
Brief ceremony. Includes a highlight-reel love story (about you), my signature on your marriage license, the stamp I’ll use to mail it back to the City Clerk, witty banter at cocktail hour, and my travel to your venue and back. Includes anxiety over what I might say at your wedding because you will not see the script beforehand.
$ (amount that seems high at first and then continues to seem high)
Perfect for couples who overpaid for a photographer, videographer, venue, band, wedding planner, palm reader and caterer who are looking for ways to even out their budget over-run and feel that the ceremony, of all places, is where they should do that
The ‘I Charm Your Guests And Marry You Without Requiring You To Tell Me Anything About Yourselves’ Package
A charming generalized ceremony that could be about anyone (no personalized Love Story).
Includes anxiety over what I might say because you will not see the script beforehand, me signing your marriage license, the stamp I’ll use to mail it back to the City Clerk, witty banter at cocktail hour, and my travel to your venue and…