Trophy by Emily Clouse

New — It’s Adjunct Barbie™!

Adjunct Barbie™ is a part-time college instructor who’s almost, but not quite, ready to give up on her dreams!

Katie Burgess
Oct 15, 2019 · 4 min read
Illustration by Emily Clouse
  • The ID badges from the four schools she teaches at come with mix-and-match lanyards!
  • Up to 200 ungraded papers fit neatly inside her purple vinyl briefcase. She’ll deal with them later!
  • Her hot pink phone is a Samsung Galaxy S3, and it’s fine!
  • The feral cat who hangs out by her apartment complex’s dumpster provides temporary relief from Barbie’s® feelings of isolation. Sometimes she throws him bites of deli meat, but he still growls if she gets too close. She calls him Waffles!
  • Her mini-fridge contains a box of chardonnay and five single-serve Trader Joe’s meals. They are the main thing she looks forward to all day!
  • Her 7-day pill organizer comes with anti-anxiety meds to be sorted (colors may vary). Is it okay for her to have them with wine? Who can remember?
  • Her laptop displays a bookmarked article about that adjunct at Duquesne University who fell over dead in the street. Her name was Margaret Mary Vojtko, and Barbie® thinks about her a lot. Duquesne declined to renew Vojtko’s contract even though she’d taught French there for twenty-five years and was beloved by students. Her heat got cut off that winter because all her money was going to her cancer treatments. Duquesne is a Christian school. Barbie® is spiritual but not religious. The laptop has real buttons!
  • Each Adjunct Barbie™ comes with a download code for a special app that lets you see her student loan debt accrue interest in real time.

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Katie Burgess

Written by

katieburgess.fun

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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