New York City Dog Breeds

I’m walkin’ my dog here!

James Klein
Slackjaw

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Image by Donald Bowers Photography on Shutterstock

Parking Spot Pointer

Adapted from the German Shorthaired Pointer, a legendary hunting dog, this citified specialist has superb eyesight, hearing, and sense of smell to locate available parking spaces. Alerted by the sound of a car starting three neighborhoods away, this dog will rush its owner to the open spot, earning every penny of this purebred’s price.

Stroller Mastiff

With this large and powerful guard dog, Park Slope parents won’t worry about leaving their $5,000 Josi stroller on the street when they drop off little Quinn, Halsey, or Pilot for their private enrichment classes. Stay-at-home spouses can even leave their “million-dollar screenplay” unattended in one of their stroller’s many storage pockets, because trust us, no one is going to steal it.

Package Retriever

Open the door to your apartment, and the Package Retriever will instinctively fetch your deliveries before your neighbors see which websites you ordered from. This dog’s legendary waterfowl “soft mouth” can even carry take-out containers without squashing your shakshuka.

Lycée Bulldog

Descended from the most exclusive French Bulldogs, this pedigreed breed has an…

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James Klein
Slackjaw

My dog thinks I’m cool. Humor in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case, Greener Pastures, and others. All of it at jameskleinhumor.com.