New York City’s Safest Restaurant Openings This Fall
Your guide to the city’s most exclusive restaurants, for health reasons, of course.
By Sam Lawyer and Rowan Joyce
The Before, East Village, $
For casual dining, don’t miss this outdoor bar and grill. Order a craft burger and sip on a pint while enjoying the 2019-themed décor sure to transport you straight back into pre-pandemic bliss. Walk-ins are welcome, but Friday nights get crowded when their resident DJ spins the Mueller testimony on repeat. Most customers wear masks around their chins though, so it’s probably fine.
Catch Me If You Can, Tribeca, $$
Anyone feeling bored of takeout, but not quite ready to venture to an indoor restaurant, should race to this immersive culinary experience. At CMIYC, you’ll put your physical limits to the test as you chase down Seamless cyclists for your meal. Just like SoulCycle, bikes fill up fast, so be sure to book online in advance to reserve your spot. Also like SoulCycle, you’ll just have to trust that it’s possible to deep clean a bike in the single minute between customers.
Bang, Williamsburg, $$$
This socially conscious vegan restaurant recently opened as a safe haven for essential workers. Nurses, teachers, and more are invited to dine inside, where they’ll receive a moving tribute from staff members aggressively banging pots and pans throughout their entire, full-price meal. Currently operating at 25% capacity, they’re eager to serve the masses and have reservations available as soon as seven years from now.
Fauci’s Kitchen, Flatiron, $$$
Like its eponymous doctor, this American eatery takes health very seriously. Management is so concerned with safety that they don’t accept reservations at all. You’ll have to wait outside to be considered by their bouncer, who assesses potential customers based on medical conditions such as high fever, difficulty breathing, and lack of social relevance. It’s well worth it for their world-famous “Flatten The Curve Bread Pizza.”
Maskerade, Soho, $$$$
We won’t lie: It is very difficult to get into Maskerade. This is for social distancing reasons, naturally, but also because this upscale Asian fusion restaurant is a hot spot for influencers showing off their designer PPE. If you’re lucky enough to be on “the list,” you’ll score a private dining pod among celebrities celebrating their early access to the vaccine.
Six Hundred Feet Apart, Upper West Side, $$$$$
Talk about safe! This contemporary Indian spot takes the CDC’s recommended guidelines and multiplies them a hundredfold. Very few tables can fit inside due to the valiant efforts of management to prevent the spread of the virus, and people with non-royal bloodlines, into their restaurant. Once inside, clientele place orders through megaphones, which can be taken to go for shouting phrases like “Move!” or “I’m invincible!” at random pedestrians.
Secret Underground Italian Place, Can’t Tell, Sorry, $$$$$$
This restaurant offers the best Italian food in the entire world and is far better than anything you could ever be served in Italy. Unfortunately, we’re not at liberty to share its name, as the owners want to keep it under wraps — for health reasons, obviously! We take no pleasure in holding this over your head, and wish so badly that this deliciously hush-hush place could become more widely accessible.
Space, Launching Out of Midtown West, $$$$$$$$$$
Let’s face it: New York is becoming a bit of a cesspool for COVID, and the Hamptons might not be far enough away if things keep going south politically. That’s why the owners of Space have decided to take their Hungarian restaurant to the moon, in a space city recently dubbed New New York. Don’t worry about trying to figure out if there’s availability. If you’re on the list to get in, you’ve already been contacted.
