NFL Draft Prospect Or My Landlord Who Keeps Avoiding A Rent Freeze Discussion

As similar as draft prospects and landlords may seem, they are not the same.

Ian Goldstein
Slackjaw

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(Pixabay)

We’re still in quarantine without an official rent freeze and the 2020 NFL Draft is here. It’s getting harder to tell the difference between an NFL draft prospect and my landlord who avoids any discussion of a rent freeze. This list should help. (Answers at end.)

1. May not have an elite cannon, but his arm looks strong enough to go pro.

2. Stores an elite civil war cannon in his apartment and threatens to use it when asked about a rent freeze.

3. Has terrible handwork, bad decision-making skills, and is vulnerable to losing his composure.

4. His ability to shuffle his feet while in the pocket makes him an asset for any team.

5. His ability to shuffle his feet while keeping his hands in his pockets to distract me from discussing a rent freeze makes for a surprisingly effective dance move.

6. Shows spurts of explosiveness that make him a standout pick.

7. Shows spurts of explosiveness from his elite cannon to prove he’s not bluffing.

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Ian Goldstein
Slackjaw

Writer/producer/person based in Brooklyn. Work in: New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Vulture, Slackjaw, Points In Case. I eat many doughnuts, regardless of my funds.