No Wah-Spect!
A stand-up comedy set from Waluigi
INT. COMEDY CLUB – NIGHT
WALUIGI is on stage at To Catch a Rising Power Star.
WALUIGI
Thank you, thank you. I tell ya, with me, nothing comes easy. Mario wanted a power-up that made him completely invisible. So he took my outfit.
But life isn’t fair. Mario has Yoshi. I asked for my own ride. I got Mario’s coattails.
Even Bowser. He wanted to hide Princess Peach someplace where he could torture her, without Mario stopping by. He brought her to my birthday party.
My doctor’s another one. I went to Doctor Mario for a checkup. He said he had something giant and ugly to remove. He kicked me out of his office.
And that’s the story of my life, I don’t get no Wah-spect!
I was a Water-Bender in Mario Tennis, but my girlfriend doesn’t believe me, ‘cause I never made her wet.
She says I’m like the Blue Shell from Mario Kart. She never gets to come first.
Forget about my own game. I asked Nintendo to star in something like Luigi’s Mansion, but they said no one would play “Waluigi’s Halfway House”
I told them I’d even settle for the Virtual Boy. They said even without it, it hurt too much to look at me.
They said I looked too much like Luigi if he only used pipes to hit them.
Or Luigi if he struggled to collect sobriety coins.
And apparently I’m to powerful for Super Smash Bros, because my personality makes everyone want to kill themselves.
They did say I’d be perfect to star in their Wrecking Crew remake. I thought I was finally getting some wah-spect, until I learned it’s about me wrecking all of their other franchises.
I’ve been Waluigi. Have a good night!
