Nursery Rhymes for an Equitable Nonpartisan Body Positive New Millennium

Andy Spain
Jun 8 · 2 min read
Photo by Cory Woodward on Unsplash

Annie, Annie, quite uncanny, How does your garden grow? With patience and toil in eco-friendly soil, And not a damn thing from Monsanto.


John, John, from down the block, Sold some grass but never any rock. The cops didn’t care when they smelled it in the air And mandatory minimums were ruled unfair.


This tolerant person went to Mass, This tolerant person stayed home, This tolerant person hosted a non-denominational prayer service in the park, This tolerant person chanted, “Om.” And this tolerant person cried, “Woo woo woo, I believe in ‘to each their own’.”


Mary Kerry could ingest no dairy Her wife could have no wheat, But every restaurant in their town Had options both could eat.


Hickory dickory doc, The film exec pulled out his cock. The nurse said with concern, “When you pee, does it burn? Your predatory behavior should stop.”


Hot cross avocado toast Hot cross avocado toast One a fair market value that doesn’t trigger an unintended avocado shortage, Two a fair market value that doesn’t trigger an unintended avocado shortage, Hot cross avocado toast


Sticks and stones may break my bones But we’ll never know for sure because everyone on Earth chooses non-violence in the spirit of brotherhood and harmony and the thought of physically hurting each other is as foreign to us as name calling because this is the future and we’ve moved on from such petty betrayals of the human condition and it’s for that reason that words will also never hurt me.


Blah blah blockchain What is it you do? Please don’t divulge my Shameful Netflix queue.


This senior citizen He was in the zone He played Candy Crush on his phone With a Medicare plan that covered every bone This senior citizen never felt alone.


It’s raining, it’s pouring, a hurricane is forming, Don’t worry too long, the storms aren’t as strong Carbon reductions reversed global warming.

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Andy Spain

Written by

Video editor & motion graphics designer. Humor writing at McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Robot Butt, and Little Old Lady Comedy.

Slackjaw

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