One Thousand and One Millennial Nights

One Thousand and One Millennial Nights, otherwise known as Just Chillin’ Nights, is a collection of early 21st century folk tales that were originally published during the Golden Age of Athleisure. The stories — from super basic myths to tragic evenings of delayed GrubHub deliveries — were collected over many decades by marketing firms that wanted to understand millennials, but couldn’t.— Wikipedia, probably

Aladdin’s Wonderful Netflix Account

Perhaps the most famous tale in Millennial Nights, Aladdin’s Wonderful Netflix Account tells the story of an adult boy who suckers his roommate into sharing his Netflix password. Though Aladdin at first doesn’t know any better as he binges Hemlock Grove, he soon becomes receptive to recommendations from his woke friends, like documentaries about the migratory patterns of emperor penguins. However, his eventual obsession with Mad Men subsequently devolves into a mind-numbing hunt for the esoteric, jettying him into the distant land of Dance Moms. Not all is lost for the adult boy — with the aid of his Netflix account, Aladdin ends up meeting Jasmine on Tinder by texting “netflix and chill?”

Ali Baba and the Forty Brunch Spots

On a quest to find the most organic avocado toast, Ali Baba becomes overwhelmed by the myriad of James Beard awarded brunch spots to dine at, all of which have at least a two-hour wait time and menus fastened onto slabs of sanded down wood. This, of course, makes him spiral down into bottomless mimosa despair. On the verge of losing hope, he gets shook upon discovering the magical secret to skipping the lines: rallying together six people from his squad for a reservation. While some establishments accept this “Open Sesame,” others refuse to budge because they DGAF. Regardless, the thirsty Ali Baba still stands in line even though he literally couldn’t even.

The Seven Voyages of Sinbad the Instagram Influencer

Frustrated that only twenty people follow him on Instagram, Sinbad takes to Twitter in a flurry of angry tweets that are seen by another Sinbad, who just happens to be a wealthy Instagram Influencer. The Sinbad with a brand tells the Sinbad without a brand of how he accumulated millions of Instagram followers in the course of seven X Pro II-filtered voyages. His adventures vary, but they all weave together themes that are lit AF, such as vibrant nature photos of him looking out into the distance with his back facing the camera. Perhaps the most renowned of his voyages — one of perf heroism that, in the end, was really NBD — is the seventh where he receives his first product sponsorship from Casper Mattress. Before the Sinbads part ways, they take a selfie. #nofilter


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