Opening Arguments In The Case of Taylor Swift vs. The State Of My Emotional Well Being
Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor — I demand retribution!
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, allow me to introduce myself. My name is My Logical Self, and today I’ll be arguing on behalf of my client, The State of My Emotional Well Being. Now we might not quite seem like two separate people, and indeed we do both work together as part of one larger, single entity known as Amy. But I am about to take you on a journey that shows how we could not be more different.
The story you’ll hear today is a tale as old as time: The State of My Emotional Well Being, who will thenceforth be referred to as The State, was having your run-of-the-mill autumn Friday, when internationally renowned popstar and new queer icon/villain Taylor Swift decided to drop a new album.
The State was in no way prepared for this. We’re in a fight with our best friend, our mom still doesn’t understand texting, and our therapist has selfishly abandoned us in favor of “having a family.” Doesn’t she know we need her more than some stupid baby? Apparently, no. But I digress.
After the album dropped, The State listened to it several times through, only stopping to cry and rage-drink before doing the unthinkable:
