Opening Lines From The Plays Written During Quarantine
“In a way, my father always wore a mask.”
“Got change for a 50?” PAUL takes out a roll of toilet paper.
“You may kiss the bride.” CAROL makes out with her LAPTOP. PRIEST and GUESTS applaud.
“This play is called ‘My Quarantine Play.’ It was written by me. It was directed by me. It stars…America.”
“Thanks again.” ODYSSEUS, holding two Whole Foods bags, leaves the grocery store.
Three COLLEGE SENIORS take off their graduation caps and robes. They start running and screaming, nude. ANDREW CUOMO enters, applauding.
“From six feet away, anyone can look like the enemy.”
INNOCENT MAN coughs. BARB shoots him dead, faces audience. “Fifth Avenue. New York City. June 2021.”
Projection of a donkey and elephant. “Two houses, both alike in…dignity.” (Expect 2–3 solid minutes of audience laughter.)
“Happy Halloween.” ANTHONY FAUCI tosses chocolate and pills into the audience.
ENSEMBLE walks up the aisles, rubbing their hands and chanting. “1–2–3–4–5–6–7–8–9–10–11–12–13–14–15–16–17–18–19–20.”
Oval Office. November, 2032. KING TRUMP takes off his crown and opens a Diet Coke.
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