Other Activities Of The Guy Who Wears His Face Mask Pulled Down Around His Neck
The grocery store might require him to have a face mask on to enter, but as soon as he’s safely through those sliding doors he’s using his un-sanitized hand to pull that mask down. He goes hard when shopping for melons, dammit, and he needs his full lung capacity. Here’s some other activities of the guy who wears his face mask pulled down around his neck:
Biking with a helmet hanging off his handlebars.
Driving with seatbelt fastened securely underneath his rear end.
Having sex wearing a condom on his foot.
Volunteering to take the ring to Mordor without the knowledge, support, and battle skills of a fellowship of all the races of Middle Earth.
Always reading the label on cleaning products to pass the time while stirring together the bleach and ammonia.
Using turn signals while driving to create a sick beat for his TikTok dance video.
Creating strong passwords to thwart hackers, then sharing his brilliant password ideas on Reddit.
Keeping his marriage healthy by always communicating when the baby’s annoying him and needs to be taken into another room so he can concentrate on his model trains.
Never clicking on links in suspicious e-mails, just forwarding them to Grandma with the subject line “Pictures of us and the kids from Disneyland trip!”
Always looking productive at work by reading the latest trade publications for hours on the toilet.
Installing a sturdy handrail on the basement staircase that’s missing a step.
Making sure his kids never fall off a ladder trying to reach something by keeping all Windex, Tylenol, and steak knives easily accessible.
Being tricked by toxic masculinity into thinking that the other shoppers at Kroger perceiving you as weak is more threatening than a highly contagious virus for which there is no cure, ignoring that acts of care and community, not stubborn self-reliance, will be how we make it through this pandemic.
Always wearing sunscreen, in asscrack only.