Other Activities Of The Guy Who Wears His Face Mask Pulled Down Around His Neck

Sarah James
May 26, 2020 · 2 min read
Photo by 🇨🇭 Claudio Schwarz | @purzlbaum on Unsplash

The grocery store might require him to have a face mask on to enter, but as soon as he’s safely through those sliding doors he’s using his un-sanitized hand to pull that mask down. He goes hard when shopping for melons, dammit, and he needs his full lung capacity. Here’s some other activities of the guy who wears his face mask pulled down around his neck:

Biking with a helmet hanging off his handlebars.

Driving with seatbelt fastened securely underneath his rear end.

Having sex wearing a condom on his foot.

Volunteering to take the ring to Mordor without the knowledge, support, and battle skills of a fellowship of all the races of Middle Earth.

Always reading the label on cleaning products to pass the time while stirring together the bleach and ammonia.

Using turn signals while driving to create a sick beat for his TikTok dance video.

Creating strong passwords to thwart hackers, then sharing his brilliant password ideas on Reddit.

Keeping his marriage healthy by always communicating when the baby’s annoying him and needs to be taken into another room so he can concentrate on his model trains.

Never clicking on links in suspicious e-mails, just forwarding them to Grandma with the subject line “Pictures of us and the kids from Disneyland trip!”

Always looking productive at work by reading the latest trade publications for hours on the toilet.

Installing a sturdy handrail on the basement staircase that’s missing a step.

Making sure his kids never fall off a ladder trying to reach something by keeping all Windex, Tylenol, and steak knives easily accessible.

Being tricked by toxic masculinity into thinking that the other shoppers at Kroger perceiving you as weak is more threatening than a highly contagious virus for which there is no cure, ignoring that acts of care and community, not stubborn self-reliance, will be how we make it through this pandemic.

Always wearing sunscreen, in asscrack only.

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Thanks to Alex Baia

Sign up for Yapjaw

By Slackjaw

Yapjaw is Medium's #1 newsletter for all things humor, and we're sorry to say you'll only receive it a few times a month. Take a look.

By signing up, you will create a Medium account if you don’t already have one. Review our Privacy Policy for more information about our privacy practices.

Check your inbox
Medium sent you an email at to complete your subscription.

Sarah James

Written by

sarah is an editor at slackjaw. her writing has appeared in reductress, splitsider, the toast, and more. thesarahjames.com

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Sarah James

Written by

sarah is an editor at slackjaw. her writing has appeared in reductress, splitsider, the toast, and more. thesarahjames.com

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store