Our App Guarantees Your Child’s Absolute Safety And Life Success

Alex Baia
Slackjaw
Published in
4 min readMay 10, 2024

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Photo by Bianca Berndt on Unsplash

As a parent who loves your child, we know you spend countless hours wrestling with this question: “How can I place my precious babe in an impenetrable cocoon of safety so that they are never harmed and grow up to be the perfect adult I need them to be?”

We get it. In today’s terrifying world, it’s impossible to guard against every threat to your child’s…

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Alex Baia
Slackjaw

Humor writer, book junkie, stargazer, optimist. Resident philosophy major. Get my humor newsletter: https://alexbaia.com/humor