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Our Hybrid Conference Brings The Experience Of An Airport Ramada To You

Enjoy the Pleasures of a Regional B2B Conference from the Comfort of Your Own Home

Dean Drobot/Canva — Used under license

While life is starting to get back to normal, many of you are still uncomfortable with the idea of meeting with hundreds of people in a poorly ventilated airport conference center. With that in mind, we’re happy to announce that our industry-specific regional B2B conference will be a hybrid event in 2021! What does that mean? Well, it means that we’ll be streaming a digital event with the added option to experience everything you love about an airport hotel conference center in your own home.

8:00 AM — Breakfast

Giant piles of bacon! Mass-produced scrambled eggs! More pancakes than you can actually eat because you already filled up on bacon! We’re bringing your hotel buffet favorites to your doorstep in partnership with Uber Eats. Just make your selection via the app and — Oh. Ah. I’m really sorry, we’re out of hot breakfast items, but here, enjoy this blueberry-like danish.

8:30 AM — High-energy Early Morning Keynote That for Some Reason Involves Short-form Improv

We’ve invited your mom and dad and your good friend Kate from your social bubble to join you for these interactive exercises led by an industry guru who runs a consultancy, a podcast, a newsletter, and may have even once worked in the industry. You’ll “yes, and” your way through a series of short-form improv exercises that you’ll somehow apply to your job in finance.

9:30 AM — Presentations

You’re at home and could do whatever you want, but we trust that you’ll show speakers the same respect that you would in-person by checking your email on your laptop while pretending to take notes.

12:00 PM — Networking Lunch

Lunch is being delivered. Did you choose chicken or fish? Either way it’s in a roulade with gravy and served with mashed potatoes and string beans. And surprise, this isn’t your Uber Eats delivery driver, this is Chad, a sales rep with one of our sponsors. Chad’s going to join your bubble so you can enjoy the same sales pitch that you would be trapped into hearing at a conference center.

1:00 PM — Nap Time

Honestly, the best content was in the morning anyway. Your boss isn’t going to know if you slip back up to your room and take a nap. To simulate the experience of an airport hotel our event app can play the soothing sound of a Boeing 747 lifting off with 46,500 pounds of thrust.

2:00 PM — The One Presentation You Wanted to See [Cancelled]

We’re terribly sorry to announce that this speaker will be unable to join us due to a weather-related travel delay. Yes, they were joining via webconference, but we want to simulate the real experience.

3:00 PM — Check those emails!

Honestly, no one’s even pretending to take notes at this point.

4:00 PM — Closing Keynote

It’s another industry guru with unclear experience but undeniable charisma! Time for some team-building exercises to bring back to your virtual office. But with who? Mom, Dad, Kate and wait — even Chad is still there! You’ll do a trust fall off the couch while your dad high-fives Chad and commits to seeing a demo of the software he’s hawking.

5:00 PM — Networking Reception

It’s the moment everyone’s been waiting for. Time to have a few drinks and pretend that you’re not in a dimly lit airport hotel conference center — except this time, you’re pretending that you are in a dimly lit airport hotel conference center pretending that you aren’t in an airport hotel conference center. And who’s that at the door? It’s your Uber Eats driver with a six pack of Coors Light and a bottle of rye — oh, tricked you, it’s Brad, Chad’s colleague! It’s nearing the end of the quarter and Chad and Brad (the ‘Ads as they’re known) need that sale! You’re going to spend the next hour being pitched the latest A.I.-based software to meet your business needs. Whatever those are.

And finally, this year’s hybrid conference will come to a close. We’re sure you can’t wait until 2022 when you’ll be able to fully enjoy all these experiences in person!

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Matthew Seely

Matthew Seely

Matthew Seely is a writer and performer based in Toronto. His works have appeared at McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case and others.