Our Old Bass Player Woke Up From A Coma With Psychic Powers. You’re Out Of The Band.
Listen, we all knew it was a matter of time. As you know, a few weeks ago Daryll woke up from his five-year coma. We were all positively STOKED for our bro. He has truly been to “the other side” of life (some say legit death) and it wasn’t long before he began asking about getting into the jamspot and raging on some bangers again. It was a little hazy at first, but it is clear now that Daryll came back from the void with some strange gifts. Yes, he levitates now. Yes, if he grabs your hands he can see the future. Yes, he woke up with the ability to flawlessly execute The Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Nobody Weird Like Me.” That night in the hospital, I saw his eyes burning red with tears, both from the chilling visions of the future and the news that we had replaced him in the band. He was crushed, and I don’t just mean his lower half from his freak garbage-truck injury. When he and I were ready, though, he grabbed my hand tightly and sent me to “the other place” where I saw visions of what the band would be if he rejoined. More on that later.
In the five years since you joined our musical journey, we in “The Pussy Men” have learned a lot from you, but I feel like we have also taught you. For instance, we’ve taught you how to play “Nobody Weird Like Me,” like, six-hundred times, but you still can’t seem to…
