Our Tech Company Just Invented A Bus, But Better Because There Are No Poor People On It
Our Founder and CEO, Bradley Fraternity, started GravyRide with one simple mission: to hack transportation.
When Brad was just a “struggling” college student at Stanford, he noticed something about his commute to campus. The first thing he noticed was that if you drive under the influence three times in one weekend, the state of California won’t care that you had to go hard cause the Cardinal crushed SC 43–17, and will take away your driver’s license.
The second thing he noticed was that there were only two options for getting to campus without a BMW: an expensive taxi ride which Dad said he wasn’t going to pay for, or the bus, which was super cheap, but sometimes involved looking at, smelling, or worst of all — talking to — a poor person.
Brad knew there had to be a better way. So like all legendary tech CEOs, he dropped out of Stanford (dropped out, kicked out — words meaning things just gets in the way of our mission) and set out to fix a problem that already had a solution.
Buses have had incredible innovation in the last fifty years: have you seen those ones that are bendy in the middle? But no one’s figured out the most glaringly obvious problem with the bus: people who can’t afford cars rely on them to get places.
Well — not anymore!
Stupid Features Make GravyRide Prohibitively Expensive.
Regular buses have boring, 20th-century tech like “brakes,” “mirrors,” and “steering wheels.” GravyRide gets rid of all of that, replacing brakes with Automated Deceleration Technology™, mirrors with Holographic Indoor-Outdoor Safety Projection ViewFinders™, and wheels with SteerClear Joysticks™.
That’s right. We reinvented the wheel.
All these new features required hours of designing, prototyping, programming, and testing — enormous costs, which we will pass on to you, the user. In fact it’s safe to say we wasted upwards of nine hundred thousand dollars to create features that work only about half as well as the stuff we were replacing.
This means our end product costs anywhere from $150 to $9,999 to ride once: way out of the price range of the average bus rider. You’re welcome.
Eliminating The Driver Means There’s No Need For Poor People To Even Look At A GravyRide.
Even after we implemented GravyRide’s Doors Which Open A Different Way Than Doors Normally Do But For No Reason™, we still had a problem — GravyRide needed a driver. And someone who relies on driving people around for money was just not the sort of person we wanted driving our customers.
So we replaced the Bus Driver with the B.U.S. D.R.I.V.E.R. (It doesn’t stand for anything, but you get the idea that it’s a robot.)
The B.U.S. D.R.I.V.E.R. system has operated for a grand total of forty hours and has seriously injured only seventy-one pedestrians and one frozen yogurt store. Fortunately, the State of California doesn’t care if robots run people over — I bet Brad wishes he’d known that the weekend the Cardinal crushed SC!
GravyRide Fosters Community (The Right Kind, With The Sort Of People You Are Likely To Meet Anyway.)
Once, when Brad was on the bus, an elderly Hispanic woman started telling him about how she’d left everything behind to move to America for a better life. And while that boring lady was yammering on about her dumb kids, Brad daydreamed — what if, instead of this nobody, he was talking to a hot chick? Or bonding with a guy from the frat, and then it turned out that the guy had a spare ticket to see The Weeknd, and then Brad got to go with him and then the guy also had a backstage pass and then Brad got to meet The Weeknd?
When you’re in your car or a taxi, you’re isolated — which makes it harder to ABN (Always Be Networking.) And people who don’t ABN will never meet The Weeknd.
But on GravyRide, you never know who you might meet: someone you work with! Someone who lives in the same expensive neighborhood as you! Someone you threw up on after a wild football game against SC but you think now that you’re a CEO you can finally shoot your shot!
The possibilities are NOT endless. And that’s the point.
No Uggos Allowed.
So give GravyRide a try.
Download GravyRide from the App Store. If you don’t see it, you’re probably not using the latest iPhone, and if you’re not using the latest iPhone… bus stop’s over there, bud.