Pandemic Dating Is Going Quite Well, Thank You For Asking

Am I more single than ever before? Indeed I am.

Dani Mahrer
Nov 22, 2020 · 2 min read
Photo by Anastasiia Chepinska on Unsplash

Have my attachment issues to my vibrator become somewhat problematic? Maybe.

Am I worried that sex is nothing like riding a bike and I will in fact forget how to do it? A little.

Am I irrationally angry at my partnered friends? Of course.

Have I familiarized myself with every local park, analyzed the likelihood of receiving an open container violation, and cross-referenced it with the number of children present at a given time in order to identify the prime socially distant first date location? Duh.

As a result, do I never want to step foot in a fucking park again? Obviously.

Do I delete and re-download all of the dating apps twice a week on average? Who doesn’t!

Have I considered purchasing a ring light to look hotter in all of my zoom dates? Seems like a solid investment.

Do I have 5+ phone boyfriends that I have no intention of ever meeting in real life? Totally.

Did I spend six months more invested in sexting my ex than in meeting someone new? Definitely.

Did I write a three-page single-spaced essay explaining why it was actually a good idea for me to sext my ex? As a therapeutic exercise, sure.

Is he still the last person I slept with? He most certainly is!

Have I gotten more comfortable with being alone? Absolutely not.

Did I tweet “If there are any guys out there that are secretly in love with me and too afraid to say something — let me just tell you, now’s the time” and sincerely hope that someone would reach out? I plead the fifth.

Do I want my sister and brother-in-law to contractually commit to our platonic throuple relationship? 100% yes.

So yes, I’d say pandemic dating is going quite well. In fact, there has never been a better time to be a single woman in her thirties, thank you for asking.

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Dani Mahrer

Written by

Full time renewable energy professional, free time snarky writer.

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Dani Mahrer

Written by

Full time renewable energy professional, free time snarky writer.

Slackjaw

Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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