Pennywise The Clown: What I Eat In A Day
First off, let me get something straight. Yes, I feed on children’s fear (mainly because it’s an excellent source of protein and omega-3 fatty acids) — but I also eat plenty of regular foods. I’m a monster, not an ascetic.
Plenty of people have asked me what I eat in a day (besides fear) to stay small enough to fit into a storm drain. Usually, I keep my personal routines a secret, but my buddy Jason (Voorhees — he has dreadful acne because of his diet of Funyuns and Diet Mountain Dew) just started a blog and is making enough money to keep him in name-brand hockey masks for eternity.
It’s surprisingly expensive to live in the city sewer (I pay my taxes just like all of you), and kidnapping children just isn’t paying the bills the way it used to. So, I’m hoping I can be like Jason and be able to pay my rent before I go back into hibernation for the next 27 years.
So, here goes.
What I eat in a day
6:00 am: I start my day off right with a cup of warm water with just the tiniest squeeze of a child’s arterial blood (organic, of course). This helps warm up my digestion so that I can consume up to twelve children in one day.
7:00 am: After letting the hot water work its magic, I have my breakfast smoothie. I just open my mouth and pop in some…
